Yesterday I made the mistake of saying I wouldn’t post such obvious Minnesota hazards as ice, snow, and frigid temperatures for the February Challenge. Unfortunately that led to a whiney, yet vehement, objection from my cartoon alter-ego. G-2 demanded equal time.
He insisted that winter is ten times more hazardous for a dude who is 4″ tall and weighs about 1/30 of an ounce. I knew it was a typical G-2 power grab but, coming from the perspective of a normal human, I had no basis to refute his claim. My sense of fairness compelled me to grant him the time to explain wintertime hazards from the perspective of a little cartoon character.
Well, that turned out to be a big mistake. That power went to his head. As you can see in the featured photo, G-2 now wants to be called “Bike King,” as if he is the lord of the cycling realm. Whatever!
Bike King and I rode together. I let him have centerstage while I utilized a nice mix of special effects and artistic liberties to document the event. It didn’t take too long before he got a chance to prove his point. It was one of those disasters that regular-sized people rarely have to worry about.
I have no idea where that avalanche came from. I’m just a videographer, not a saboteur. I rode around for a little while, but luckily I came back an hour or so later to dig Bike King out before he suffocated.
One thing I DO know for sure is that I tried to warn Bike King about the next hazard.
Yellow snow is not the most terrible dog-related hazard bike riders face. Sometimes dogs attack. I know a few of my Cycle365 comrades have been attacked within the last year. Personally, I’ve been chased a number of times, but so far I’ve never been bitten.
“You’re lucky to be big,” Bike King said in answer to that, “a dog would just bite your arms and legs, but it can eat me in one mouthful.” Just as he said that, along came a vicious dog.
Perhaps you’ve heard about a hazard called “COVID-19.” G-2, I mean Bike King, and I take great care to avoid getting and transmitting it. However, I think Bike King is in a greater risk category than me. Can you imagine breathing in a virus that’s as big as you are?
A little further on we encountered some wind. “How do you feel about wind,” asked G-2/Bike King.
“I like it when it’s behind me — not so much when it’s coming from ahead of me,” I replied for the purposes of this story. “But I guess it’s just one of those things us bike riders have to put up with.”
“Easy for you to say,” he replied, “a gust of wind is like a tornado to me.”
Incredibly, just as he was riding along comfortably, this happened.
Bike King assured me that I have no idea how a strong wind can carry a cartoon alter-ego for miles. He went on by asking, “How would you like to be transported from Kansas to the Land of OZ? How would you like to be deposited in the middle of an un-rideable snowfield?
As always, I rescued him. After all, G-2 (or whatever name he chooses to go by) is my alter-ego. And he is way more popular than me.
There was only one more hazard we had to deal with. It was at the entrance to my driveway where Bike King was lured into the mouth of a cartoon-eating snow monster.