CYCLE LIFE CHALLENGE #3: Gregblood v. G-2

Well, against all disbelief, Gregblood actually followed up on his threat; he filed a lawsuit against me.  Some guy brought me an envelope a couple of days ago and said, “You’ve been served!”  I had a very clever response to that.  “HUH?”

The following document is what I was “served.”

 

 

In my opinion, it’s just not right to sue one’s alter-ego.  I would never sue Gregblood.  We’ve been together too long to do something that mean and vindictive.  Sure, we’ve had our differences over the years but, gosh, how could he forget all of the good times we’ve had on five bike tours and countless day rides together?  That guy is becoming not only a bee in my bonnet, but also a thorn in my side, a pain in my ass, a monkey on my back, an albatross around my neck, an elephant on my chest, a dagger in my heart, an earworm on my brain, a hammer on my skull, a mob enforcer on my kneecaps, a drill on my tooth, a habanero on my tongue, salt in my wounds, and all kinds of other irritating stuff.

Nevertheless, I guess I had no other choice but to ride my bike up to the Dakota County Courthouse this morning, though I sure wasn’t happy about it.  I didn’t ask Doris to come along because I didn’t want to subject her to the stress of witnessing such a totally unfair lawsuit.  However, I’m way too smart to go into the courtroom alone.  Oh yeah!  I hired perhaps the smartest lawyer of all-time.  He will appeal to the judge’s patriotism, and he’ll tear Gregblood’s case to shreds like a hyena ripping into the flesh of a dead skunk.  Or, at minimum, he’ll delay the case until I can get all seven rides in.

 

Abe comes at a price, however. “If you want the best, you’ll have to pay for the best,” he said. Apparently “The Best” bills at a rate of $350 per hour these days.

 

That’s OK, I’m willing to pay whatever it takes to defeat my ruthless human alter-ego.  It’s only about a two-mile bike ride to the courthouse, and the entire time it took to get there I worried about HOW I could possibly pay Mr. Lincoln’s fee.  After all, I only have a couple dollars to my name.  Thankfully, by the time I reached my destination I had come up with another one of my brilliant ideas.  I’ll elaborate on that later.

 

I made it with plenty of time to spare. Hey, wait a minute! That bike looks familiar . . . I guess the jackass plaintiff got here early.

 

Mr. Lincoln and I sat outside the courtroom and waited for the case to be called.  Across the room we could see Gregblood sitting there all smug and overconfident.  He just stared at us with a goofy frown on his face.  I couldn’t believe he wore a tie for the first time in five years.  I knew it was just to impress the judge.   I wanted to slap him, but Honest Abe held me back.

 

What a brown-noser.

 

And look who’s representing him: Lionel Lutz, a big shot attorney from Springfield. That guy is the epitome of an incompetent shyster. One of his most famous quotes is, “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.”

 

I’m not going to present the entire transcript of the hearing, but to make a long story short, Lutz argued for a cease and desist order, and my guy, Abraham Lincoln, argued for a change of venue, for additional time to depose various witnesses, and for a thorough psychological evaluation on Gregblood.

The judge considered all of the evidence and testimony and issued a compromise decision.  He ordered that I would be required to return the Cycle365 Account and its password to Gregblood within two weeks, or face up to one year in jail.  Part two of the decision was that the judge agreed it was probably a good idea for Gregblood to undergo extensive psychological evaluation and treatment.

All in all, the judgement seemed pretty fair.  Mainly, it gives me fourteen days to complete four more Cycle Life Challenge rides.  I’m quite sure I can do that.  I mean, I’ve already posted three rides in less than a week.  Even the forecasts of heavy rain, quickly melting snow, and flooding over the next few days won’t delay me too much.  That’s the kind of stuff cartoon characters like Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, and I thrive on.

Putting that bogus lawsuit behind me took a lot of weight off my shoulders, but I still had to pay my attorney.  That’s where today’s purchase come in.  I rode over to the Sterling Dollar Store, which is right across the highway from the Judicial Center.  I don’t know how the Sterling Dollar Store does it, but they have a scheme in which they can turn a $1.00 investment into a return of nearly $3,000.  Considering the financial pickle I am in right now, it would be insane to pass up such a good deal.

 

The site of my money-making purchase.

 

Fifteen units of each denomination. Now I can pay Mr. Lincoln in full AND have enough cash left over to fund four more Cycle Life Challenge purchases.

 

I was so excited about this turn of events that I continued my bike ride for several more miles.  I rode downtown and took a few more pictures.  That included the bridge picture at the top of this page and a couple more pictures of icicles that follow.  When I returned home, I think I was the happiest cartoon alter-ego of all time.

 

A new Hastings record. I bet that icicle weighs over 400 pounds.

 

Even houses of worship like to display their icicle excellence.

 

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

13 response to "CYCLE LIFE CHALLENGE #3: Gregblood v. G-2"

  1. By: Seasidejanet Posted: March 13, 2019

    G2 so glad you weren’t thrown in the “clinker”!! Be sure to stay away from those icicles when they start to melt and drop! Or be sure you have your helmet on.

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

      Indeed, the clinker is no place for an innocent, mild-mannered, cartoon alter-ego.
      -G-2

  2. By: Kathleen Jones Posted: March 13, 2019

    Dearest,

    We are relieved that this ungodly legal action against you is settled.

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

      Nobody could recognize “ungodly” like a goddess can. Thank you.
      -G-2

  3. By: The Navigator Posted: March 14, 2019

    Glad you could get a win against your alter ego, G2. He can be very brazen – even taking selfies in a justice centre, sheesh! I think I need to take lessons on money procurement from you – forget this 9-5 stuff!

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

      Thank you for your support. You’re right, there is something wrong with that guy.
      -G-2

  4. By: Lednar De Nalloh Posted: March 14, 2019

    G-2, counter sue his ass off (that tie gave me emotional distress)….. and to finance my next trip to the USA I’ll be bringing the white liquid paper and heading straight to the $1 shop.

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

      Wait until you see the next money-making scheme I found in the dollar store.
      -G-2

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

      Doris isn’t sure what she dislikes more–snakes or snake worshippers.

      • By: Rich-Illinois Posted: March 15, 2019

        On a trip to Tennessee, we really DID see such a ‘church’ — pickup and trailer with serpent carriers in the parking lot — and believe me, we kept right on going by!

        • By: gregblood Posted: March 15, 2019

          Wow,! I’ve witnessed people speaking in tongues and that was pretty freaky, but I’m sure it can’t compare to seeing people going into a spiritual frenzy while handling poisonous snakes.

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