CYCLE LIFE CHALLENGE #3: My Big Time Shopping Spree

My first couple of rides for this challenge showcased the miserly side of my personality. With both rides combined, I hadn’t even contributed ten measly bucks to the local economy. Today I felt like I should do something a little more substantial, not only to bolster MY Town’s businesses, but also to ensure that The Goddess Kathleen won’t be quite so disappointed in my super-cheap performance.

I was ready to spend some big money today, but first I had to stop at the ATM to get some cash. I always enjoy riding up to the drive-thru ATM on my bike. I like to press the “NOT INTERESTED” button when the bank tries to sell me a loan on the screen before the transaction gets started. I like to enter my PIN number (2-6-7-2) without covering the screen as instructed. I like making the line of cars behind me wait while I try to decide how much cash to withdraw. When I finally do decide, it’s usually not the standard $100 or $200 options. I prefer to go with something like $60, or $140, or $2,000,000.

Thank you for the million dollar bills.” One thing about me is that I always say “thank you” after the machine gives me my cash.

Now that I had a couple million dollars burning a hole in my pocket, I was ready to start shopping. And I don’t mean any of that nickel and dime stuff like I usually do. I mean BIG TIME SHOPPING. I pedaled my bike to find some big ticket items to buy — not because I needed them, but just to spend money frivolously . . . oh . . . and also to support the local merchants, of course.

I couldn’t decide what color truck to buy. “Hmmmmm, I’ll take ’em all,” I said.

If I want to party like the millionaire I am, I had better pick up some expensive bourbon.
Some absurdly expensive bottles of beer as well.

There was no Kobe Beef in Hastings, so I had to settle for Filet Minon from regular cows. At least I wasn’t reduced to the indignity of buying an inferior cut of meat like, say, a Porterhouse.
No matter how many millions of dollars I have, I still can’t get toilet paper.

I rode past this house for sale. “I’ll take it,” I said to the real estate agent.

“Don’t you want to know how much it is,” she asked?

“Not really. My offer is a million.”

“Really? I’m sure my clients will accept that offer. And how do you intend to pay for this home?

“In the words of Vikings Hall of Famer, Randy Moss, ‘straight cash, homey.'”

“Would you at least like to tour the home first?”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary. My dog, Diggity will be quite happy living here.”

The next stop was the furniture store. After all, Diggity needs some new couches. He loves to leap onto them, curl up, and take a nap. I ordered one for every room of his new house.

I don’t own a business. I have no need for office space. But I paid in advance for a 5-year lease just in case I want to start my own Hedge Fund Ponzi Scheme some day.

Let me tell you, that was the RUDEST of rude awakenings. Luckily I had gone to bed with my helmet on so I could get up and immediately ride to make my true Cycle Days Challenge purchase.

It’s true, all I can really afford is hotdogs and buns for tonight’s meal. $7.48.

Well, I might as well include a song for the March Challenge. It couldn’t make this post any worse. (By the way, 2-6-7-2 isn’t really my PIN number.)

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

6 response to "CYCLE LIFE CHALLENGE #3: My Big Time Shopping Spree"

  1. By: Bill Stone Posted: March 15, 2020

    No matter how many millions of dollars I have, I still can’t get toilet paper.

    But you would have had an excellent use for all those million-dollar bills!

  2. By: The Navigator Posted: March 15, 2020

    Very creative! I like your dream purchases – if I had even hundreds of thousands, there would be no furniture or home purchase for me 🙂 I would just hit the road! And in real life, you could not force feed me hotdogs, even if all the shelves were bare (as they are here with panic shoppers). I do like your Bare NakedLadies song, though, I remember when that was a hit, too.

    • By: gregblood Posted: March 16, 2020

      I failed to mention in my post that my niece once performed with the Bare Naked Ladies. She and a few of her junior high classmates got to be back up singers for a couple of their songs when they played in St. Paul. That was about 12-15 years ago.

      • By: The Navigator Posted: March 17, 2020

        Ah, that’s pretty cool! My freshman year roommate in college (who is still one of my best friends) liked ska music and also introduced me to the Barenaked Ladies. Good memories 🙂

  3. By: Hopkins Escapades Posted: March 16, 2020

    Oh you clever millionaire! What a fun (and funny) CLC entry. Hopkins and I enjoyed the plot and the (much needed these days) sense of humor. Cheers & happy pedaling.

  4. By: Kathleen Jones Posted: March 21, 2020

    [toes still tapping] … I’d be rich.
    Obviously you’ve been watching the Goddess Shopping Channel. We offer many of the same things you were showing us, and most people buy with the same bank notes.
    Nicely done,
    -Yr Goddess

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