GEESE & SQUIRRELS: A Multi-Media Nature Documentary

[In this part of the world, during this part of the year, two animals stand out as being particularly active.  Geese and squirrels are so ubiquitous that most people do not even notice them.  If they do notice them, they generally won’t give them a second thought.  I notice them and I give them second, third, fourth, tenth, and fiftieth thoughts.  That’s why, right in the middle of today’s bike ride, I came up with the idea to make a big budget documentary focusing on those two species.  Of course, I realize that big, dumb waterfowl and skittish rodents don’t exactly provide the same exciting nature viewing as, say, eagles and cheetahs, but I think after watching my documentary you will be as fascinated by these wild animals as I was.  As you will see, I’ve provided some never-before-seen video, intelligent narration, interesting photography, and many brand new alternative facts.  Some of the information might be considered controversial and some of it is scientifically unverifiable, but I present them as facts nevertheless.  With great appreciation for this community of cyclists, I am presenting the world premier of  Geese & Squirrels to my friends at Cycle365 before I sell my Ken Burns-like documentary to a major Hollywood studio.  Without further ado, here it is.]

 

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Narrator:  This presentation is a celebration of nature, of art, of bike riding, of animal life, of freedom, of dorkiness, of pseudo-science.  It’s about geese.  It’s about squirrels.  It’s about a guy who rides his bike almost every day (except for the approximately 60 days so far this year when he didn’t) and who thinks of himself as the next Kubrick or Coen Brother.

The dude set out one day into the wilds of HIS Town and, less than four blocks out, he knew that THIS bike ride would be something very special.  He saw hundreds of geese flying overhead, honking their guts out.  He saw multitudes of squirrels scurrying scarily across the road in front of him.  He knew he had to capture the memory of those creatures in some way, so he rode a mile-and-a-half down to the Mississippi River and let his movie camera (cell phone) do the talking.  Well, HE did the talking, but his cell phone did the filming.

 

 

 

 

 

Narrator:   Greg The Cycling Goose Scientist was pleased with his encounter with the lone goose, but he was positively ecstatic a couple miles later when he came upon a large field filled with a gaggle of geese grazing on grass.  In his ingenious mind, it was a great opportunity to make friends with a large group of his fellow Minnesota inhabitants.  He wondered:  “Could this be one of the greatest bird-human meetings of all time?  What could we learn from each other?  Will we gain a greater understanding of each others’ small place in the universe? Could the meeting result in improved inter-species relations throughout the world?”

 

 

Narrator:  Meanwhile, the squirrel community was also in action, scurrying across roads & lawns and climbing trees in search of delicious acorns.  Their activities did not escape the filmmaker’s notice.

 

 

Narrator:  Greg’s “no baby squirrels” hypothesis was revolutionary.  No animalologist in animalological history had ever proposed such a theory before.  In the interest of scientific balance, we sought another opinion by consulting a world reknowned squirrel expert.  This is what Professor G-2 had to say:

 

 

“WHILE I APPRECIATE YOUR EXPERTISE, PROFESSOR G-2, ARE YOU SURE THAT’S A SQUIRREL’S NEST AND NOT A BIRD’S NEST?”

 

“HELLS YEAH, I’M SURE!  AFTER ALL, I AM A WORLD RENOWNED SQUIRREL EXPERT. AS SUCH, I MIGHT ADD THAT THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 100 TO 120 LITTLE SQUIRRELETS UP THERE, WHICH IS THE AVERAGE SIZE FOR A LITTER OF SQUIRRELS. FURTHERMORE, YOUR AUDIENCE MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT THE SQUIRREL PARENTS TALK TO THEIR KIDS IN PLAIN ENGLISH UP IN THE NEST.  THE CHIP, CHIP, CHIP NOISES THEY MAKE IN FRONT OF HUMANS AND CARTOON ALTER-EGOS ARE A SECRET CODE.”

 

Narrator:  After the uncomfortable confrontation with the world renowned squirrel expert, the third Coen Brother continued his bike ride.  He saw a jet black squirrel, but was not able to activate his movie camera fast enough to film that one-in-a-million sighting.  A few days earlier, he had seen an albino squirrel but he was unable to capture that guy on film either.  Talk about one unlucky film maker.  Still, he did manage to film the rare squirrel footage that follows.

 

 

Narrator:  Later, Greg the Goose Scientist pedaled back into the wonderful world of geese.  As he watched the migrating birds overhead he remembered a picture he posted on Cycle365 back in the springtime.  Someday that picture will be featured in National Geographic Magazine.  Wouldn’t it be romantic to think some of those baby geese have grown up and are now flying among the formation of geese flying in the video that follows.

 

 

Early June, 2019

 

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

14 response to "GEESE & SQUIRRELS: A Multi-Media Nature Documentary"

  1. By: Rich-Illinois Posted: November 20, 2019

    ***** < As close as I could get to making stars.

    Max the cat enjoyed the squirrels and particularly the geese in the last video, as did I.

    Most excellent work!

    BTW When geese fly in a V pattern, one side is normally longer than the other — any idea why?

    • By: gregblood Posted: November 20, 2019

      Yes. Not many goose scientists know this, but geese have a self-equalization deficiency. As much as they would like to form a perfect V-pattern, there is a small quirk in their brains that make it impossible for them to do so. Glad I could help.

      • By: Rich-Illinois Posted: November 20, 2019

        Ahhh – Mike Haduck (the masonry guy on Youtube) has a friend who suggested one side is longer because ———————— there are more geese on that side — but, now we know WHY — Thanks!!

        • By: gregblood Posted: November 20, 2019

          More geese on that side–that’s a good one.

  2. By: NancyG Posted: November 21, 2019

    Rich — that is sound, scientific knowledge. I reminds of one time someone asked my opera aficionado “why are so many opera singers so fat?” My friend replied “because they eat too much”.

    • By: Rich-Illinois Posted: November 22, 2019

      Well, they say “the show isnt over until the (plus sized) lady sings”. 🙂

  3. By: NancyG Posted: November 21, 2019

    Thanks Greg, this provided me with some entertainment on this very cold morning as i sip my tea before going out into that cold.

    • By: gregblood Posted: November 21, 2019

      Thanks for the nice words, Nancy. I might have the big Hollywood studio use your quote when it starts marketing my film.

  4. By: The Navigator Posted: November 22, 2019

    Watch out, David Attenborough, there is a new nature doc narrator on the block! I love the moody weather and the geese coming full circle (or V) from chicks to flying formation.

    • By: Lednar De Nalloh Posted: November 22, 2019

      In was thinking exactly the same thing, a new David Attenborough. Sadly the geese make excellent aeroplane engine cloggers and the grey squirrel is over-running the British red squirrels.

      • By: gregblood Posted: November 22, 2019

        I thank you, too, Lednar, for seeing the Attenborough in me. Unfortunately I will never be knighted like he is. The idea of “Sir Gregory” seems pretty cool though.

        As for the rest of your comment, you provide the dark cloud to my silver lining. It’s true that geese cause some problems to airplane engines, but it’s no treat for the goose either. And I feel bad about the red squirrels, but it’s just a case of the gray squirrels exerting their Darwinian belief in the survival of the fittest. Unless, that is, the gray squirrels were brought over to England as an invasive species. That would be wrong. We’ve got some invasive species problems here in Minnesota, but I’m going to resist getting into that issue.

    • By: gregblood Posted: November 22, 2019

      I’m glad you recognized the Attenborough influence in my narration. There might even be a little Morgan Freeman in there too.

      Here’s a dumb story about me: I was pretty familiar with Attenborough’s work on nature and, of course, I thought it was great. Then I saw him acting in the movie “Jurassic Park” and thought he was probably given that role because it kind of fit in with his work with animal documentaries. Later, I learned he won an Oscar for directing the “Gandhi” film. I thought, “Man that guy has many talents.”

      I held that belief for a long time until a discussion I had with a friend of mine last year. I can’t remember the context of our discussion–something highly intellectual, no doubt–but I remember telling a friend how amazed I was by his versatility–acting, directing, producing nature documentaries, etc. My friend looked at me in a weird way. “You know . . . they aren’t the same guy.” Only then did I learn there are two Attenboroughs–brothers David and Richard.

      How was I supposed to know?

      Oh, one more thing: thanks for calling the weather “moody.” It’s an apt description, and it sounds more artsy than “foggy.”

  5. By: Bill Stone Posted: November 25, 2019

    “Sir Gregory”??? What, “Pope Gregory” isn’t enough for you? Next it’ll probably be Emperor Gregory the First.

    • By: gregblood Posted: November 26, 2019

      I’d settle for: Gregory, Everlasting King of the Universe, Champion of the People, and Lord Almighty

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