Gigantic, Scary Monsters

It probably wasn’t fair to end yesterday’s post with such a cryptic hint of dread. But, as I said, the first half of my bike ride had been so nice that –at the time — I only wanted to write about the pleasant stuff. I didn’t even want to THINK about the frightful events that occurred on the second half of my ride. It was too soon to put myself through the trauma of re-living those events and then writing about them. And I sure didn’t want to put you folks through the trauma of having to read about them. Plus, it was dinner time and I was hungry. I can’t write under that kind of pressure.

Luckily my frazzled nerves have calmed down enough this morning to be able to finish the story. As I sit at my laptop trying to reconstruct yesterday’s happenings in my mind, shivers are STILL running down my spine. I find it necessary to warn my readers in the 6-to-14-year-old age group that some of the content might be highly distressing. If you start having nightmares as a result of what you are about to read, please seek counseling from your parents, a trusted adult, a priest or minister, or a psychologist.

As you may recall, yesterday’s chapter ended with The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong taking a nap on the frozen surface of Spring Lake. That’s where this tale picks up. The following events are true and my descriptions of them are exactly how I remember them in my imagination.

“G-2!” I shouted, “Get off that ice. You don’t know if it’s thick enough to support your body weight.” His reply was, “Leave me alone. I just need a few more minutes of shut-eye in this beautiful sunshine.” (Of course, The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong is only a bike, so he can’t really talk. Instead, he communicates with me telepathically.)

I granted his request and went for a little hike of my own, exercising the utmost in caution. I was struck by the many, many animal tracks on the lake.

I couldn’t be sure what kind of tracks they were, but I surmised they came from coyotes wandering over to the peninsula in the distance. One thing I COULD be sure of though was that there were no animals in sight. What happened to them?

I had an inner feeling that something horrible was out there. In a panic, I raced off the snowy ice to check on The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong. “Hey, dude, I think it’s time to get off the ice,” I shouted from the top of the levee.

“What’s the hurry,” replied my bike, telepathically.

“I just think we should be moving on. This place is giving me the creeps.”

“There’s nothing out here. What’s your problem?” His defiance passed through the cool air from his brain into my brain via telepathy. “For one thing,” I answered, “don’t you find it curious that there are all these animal tracks and no animals? Something is killing them.”

“For another thing, I don’t like the plumes of chemical smoke those huge monsters are spewing ,” I shouted while pointing across the lake.

I heard my bike’s response via extra sensory perception. “Those things are a million miles away. Is that all you’ve got? I don’t see anything frightening in the least.” I replied, “I don’t see anything unusual either. Not YET anyway. Just don’t make me come down there and get you.”

Sad to say, he did make me come down there to get him.

Together, we rode on and for the next several miles I felt some rebelliousness . . . and RECKLESSNESS. Until my bike stopped to look at a real live monster I thought The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong was just a name.

What the heck is that?observed The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong. “I don’t know and I don’t care,” I replied.

Despite my protestations, The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong insisted we were going to get an even CLOSER look at that big yellow monster.

What the heck? That skinny freak of nature could bend its joints at any angle it desired. It could certainly kill anything within 100-feet of its fury. And worst of all, it vomited cement out of its mosquito-like proboscis.

I managed to steer The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong away from that dangerous situation, only to have him lead me to the next steely monster.

Only a chain link fence with barbed wire reinforcement prevented my bike from engaging that huge monster in mortal combat.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, we came across the tallest, meanest creature I had ever seen.

I have never been so afraid in my entire life as I was while looking up into the teeth of this 10,000 ft. monster . . .

. . . that is, until I found myself inside the belly of the beast. That frown on my face tells you everything you need to know about my incredible fear.

I managed to escape, but I had had enough of this crap. I handed my phone to The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong and said, “That’s it. You’re on your own from here. Take your pictures, fight your monsters, I don’t care. I’ll meet you at home.”

“Thank you,” the son-of-bike said, and he continued on his merry way.

As far as I can tell by piecing together his pictures and eyewitness accounts of what happened next, my bike came upon a most horrible congregation of fierce monsters. He never backed down an inch.

He laughed at this monster. “Big whoop! I can eat a dumpster too,” he proclaimed from one machine to another.

The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong was not intimidated at all by this pair of monsters who were trying to eat an entire factory.

After rounding the corner, he tried to snuggle up to another evil, factory-eating monster.

Like a herd of lions feasting on the carcass of a giraffe, these gigantic monsters were ripping the flesh off this defenseless building.

The carnivorous actions of those monsters eventually got to The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong’s sense of humanity. Eye witnesses can attest to the fact that my bike wanted nothing to do with such destruction. He wanted to get the hell out of there, but his escape was cut off by one of the guards. The following video, which was taken by The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong, is the last known evidence of his existence.

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

6 response to "Gigantic, Scary Monsters"

  1. By: The Navigator Posted: January 14, 2021

    And I was putting all my money on you being attacked by Sasquatch. That’s a lot of scary monsters in YOUR TOWN, but I’m glad you had a sunny day and Weather forecaster Greg got a break!

  2. By: NancyG Posted: January 14, 2021

    WOW!! YOUR town is surely monster town. So many in one place must indeed be scary and ….. ugly!

    • By: gregblood Posted: January 14, 2021

      Don’t worry about The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong. He’s fine. The ending of my story was sort of an homage to the final scene of “The Blair Witch Project,” albeit a very poorly executed one.

      The Gloppita-Gloppita machine video was hilarious. Thanks.

  3. By: BobinVT Posted: January 14, 2021

    I first saw one of those concrete spitting monsters when they built that new interstate bridge that I’ve featured in a few posts. It kind of boggles my mind that you can pump liquid concrete that high. And that Reckless Mr. Bing Bong, he sure is reckless!

  4. By: Suzanne Posted: January 14, 2021

    A cold and scary place where you live! That would be no place for a scaredy cat like me.

Leave a Reply