Live From Minnesota: The Czar-Elect’s Inauguration Speech

“HELLO EVERYBODY, I’M THE RECKLESS MR. BING BONG. IT’S GREAT TO SEE ALL OF YOU FOR THIS MOMENTEOUS EVENT. I’M A BIKE OF FEW WORDS SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, IT IS MY EXTREME PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE YOUR NEW CZAR OF THE CYCLE-365 MONTHLY CHALLENGE. PLEASE EXTEND A HARDY WELCOME TO YOUR FRIEND AND MINE . . . GREGBLOOD!!!”

Thank you for that fine introduction, Vice-Czar Bing Bong, and I thank all of you esteemed Cycle365-ers and citizens of the world for that warm welcome. I also want to thank you all for electing me to be your Czar of the Monthly Challenge. I am definitely excited to begin serving you in that capacity on July 1st. I humbly promise to do the best job I possibly can, to be honorable, and to resist issuing nearly-impossible challenges. I hope I don’t let you down as it would be terribly embarrassing to go down in Cycle365 history as the only Monthly Challenge Czar ever to be impeached.

At this time I’d like to give credit to my predecessors, Scooter and Old Grumbleface, for their many months of dedicated service to the Monthly Challenge. I’d also like to give special recognition to Suzanne and Rich-Illinois for their short tenures as Acting Czars for May & June respectively. Let’s have a big round of applause and a standing ovation for all four of those fine Cycle365 patriots.

Make no mistake about it, though — there’s a new sheriff in town, and that sheriff is ME. I’ve enjoyed all of the challenges over the last three years, but it is now time to take them in a whole new goofy direction — and that’s what the Gregblood Administration intends to do. In addition to Vice-Czar Bing Bong, I’ve assembled a cabinet of highly dedicated goofballs to assist in turning the Cycle-365 Monthly Challenge into the GOOFIEST monthly challenge in the entire world.

That’s right, it’s all about goofiness. In fact, I’ve created a new slogan for my Czarist reign. Here it is: “Make America Goofy Again / Make the World Goofy Again.” [MAGA / MWGA] Whaddya think?

“IF WE ALL WORK TOGETHER, I KNOW WE CAN DO IT!”

And here’s something that should make you as happy as it makes me: I will finally be building a wall. It will be the finest and smartest wall ever. It will be a beautiful, beautiful wall. You know, I know more about walls than engineers, architects, and generals. Nobody knows more about walls than I do — not even Pink Floyd. My wall will keep haters of goofiness out of Cycle365. And here comes the best part: the wall will be completely paid for by those humorless dorks who have never done anything silly in their lives.”

Who knows what kind of crazy challenges a very stable genius like me might come up with? I sure don’t. I just know they won’t be impossible to achieve. Some of them might be difficult. Some might involve straying a bit from your comfort zone. Some of them might be pretty weird, but then, weirdness is nothing to you folks. I’ve seen displays of weirdness from each and every one of you, and I mean that as a sincere compliment. Of course, some of you are weirder than others (cough Grumbleface cough) but I know you’ve ALL got it in you.

“SO ARE YOU READY TO JOIN ME IN MAKING AMERICA AND THE WORLD GOOFY AGAIN?”

FOUR MORE MONTHS! FOUR MORE MONTHS! FOUR MORE MONTHS! FOUR MORE MONTHS!

In conclusion, I am pleased to see such a YUGE crowd of enthusiastic supporters here today. You folks officially make up the yugest crowd EVER to attend the inauguration of a newly-elected Monthly Challenge Czar in history. And that, my friends is NOT an alternative fact.

I’ll be back in a couple of days with the first of my challenges. Good luck to all of you, and may the God of the Great Outdoors bless you and the entire goofy world. AMEN!

8 response to "Live From Minnesota: The Czar-Elect’s Inauguration Speech"

    • By: gregblood Posted: June 27, 2021

      Here in the U.S., “Four more years,” is a common chant from supporters of a president since four years is the length of a presidential term. In my case, I’ll be lucky if I make it to the four month mark, so my supporters have much lower expectations.

  1. By: Rich-Illinois Posted: June 27, 2021

    The DB, both Raleighs, and Le Tour are champing at the derailleurs — ready to GO!

    • By: gregblood Posted: June 27, 2021

      Thanks Rich. I’m glad all your bikes are ready to go, and I hope YOU are too. POWER TO THE GOOFY!

  2. By: Scooter Posted: June 27, 2021

    Czar of the Monthly Challenge? Sounds just a bit power-mad, don’t you think? And just how many hats can you wear, anyway? Perhaps you should give up your post as Cycle365 Poet Laureate.

    • By: gregblood Posted: June 28, 2021

      You’re right. Holding both positions at the same time might have the appearance of a conflict of interest.

      • By: Kathleen Jones Posted: June 28, 2021

        Why should that stop you, you power-mad czar?

  3. By: Lednar De Nalloh Posted: June 29, 2021

    Sending the world goofy, hasn’t that already happened? I think Greg may be an anarchist

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