Populist President’s Press Conference

Are you tired of my monthly challenges yet? After only one month at the helm, I sure hope not. One good sign is that nobody has brought forth articles of impeachment yet. And the latest Quinnipiac Poll shows that I have a 50% approval rating, which is several points higher than one of my country’s recent presidents ever had.

I’m not exactly sure when my term expires, but whenever it is, I DO plan to run for re-election. And the only way I could lose would be a combination of voting machines tampered with by communist countries, ballots with bamboo fibers in them, thousands of dead people voting, media bias, and a cabal of Martians injecting liberal laser beams into our arms via Covid vaccines.

I know many of you have been wondering about the next challenge. Some of you might even be worried. Rest assured that over the course of the next few days, I will be working tirelessly (in between bike rides) on a new challenge for August. It will benefit every citizen of the world. NOBODY knows challenges like I do. I know more about challenges than senators, scientists, generals, astronauts, Olympic athletes, around-the-world cyclists, Mt. Everest climbers, and even circus clowns.

After all, I used to manage a paint business. Who could be more qualified to be the leader of the challenge, and the WORLD, than a businessman?

Now I am a former business man with a corn silk hair piece and an orange face. I’ll be back soon to announce the August challenge.

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

6 response to "Populist President’s Press Conference"

  1. By: Scooter Posted: July 26, 2021

    Don’t you need to do something about those eyebrows and chin whiskers also? The contrast is a bit jarring. Still, I approve.

    • By: gregblood Posted: July 26, 2021

      When you turn yourself orange under the rays of a tanning booth, you don’t worry about eyebrows and whiskers. You just know your followers will defend you no matter what you say, how you act, or how you look.

  2. By: Suzanne Posted: July 27, 2021

    Isn’t that kind of corn-y? Corn silk toupee, no?
    Your term as czar has been a great success, I will vote for you again!

  3. By: Rich-Illinois Posted: July 27, 2021

    ” I do. I know more about challenges than senators, scientists, generals, astronauts, Olympic athletes, around-the-world cyclists, Mt. Everest climbers, and even circus clowns.”

    Well, that does certainly does live up to your former business man mantra of “COVER THE EARTH” 🙂

    • By: gregblood Posted: July 27, 2021

      I’ve been so addicted to listening to, and reading about, President Trump’s outrageous claims and political conspiracy theories that I couldn’t stop myself from engaging in a little satire. I know it’s not healthy to get so personally riled up about such things, but I guess I didn’t give enough thought to the life threatening consequences of mocking our former president. Damn, his most avid supporters have guns.

      It’s okay. If confronted, I’ll quote Keith Millard — the former Minnesota Viking tough guy — who once yelled at the cops while being arrested for drunken behavior, “MY ARMS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOUR GUNS!” (Just kidding, Trump fans, just kidding. I have very skinny arms. Please leave me alone.)

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