THE LAST DUDE IN MINNESOTA, FINAL CHAPTER: Psycle Killers vs. The Mother of All Cornonas

Instead of celebrating yesterday’s victory, the Psycle Killers went to bed early. Their weary bodies needed some serious rest in preparation for the final showdown with the Corona Virus Queen. The team planned to attack at dawn. Unfortunately, dawn came and went as the Psycle Killers overslept by about three hours.

Actually, they didn’t oversleep so much as they just didn’t want to get up. The night had turned very cold. Then it rained. Ice formed on the trees. The rain turned to snow and a thin blanket of the white flakes covered the earth. The Dude, D-2, Doreen, and Zombie spent the night huddled closely together in order to keep warm and they couldn’t separate themselves from the comfort of each other’s body heat until the sun was high in the sky.

They all felt a little awkward as they arose and shook off the cold — especially D-2, Doreen, and the dude, none of whom had ever spent a night in such close proximity to a bloody, decaying zombie before. Not a word was spoken as the team armed themselves for battle. Off in the distance, they could still see the enemy — the Mistress of Viralistic Evil — lurking in the park.

The alpha-female of Covid-19 wasn’t taken by surprise though. After all, she didn’t get to be the Queen Bee of Filthy Germhood for nothing. As soon as she saw the Psycle Killers advancing, she mobilized her last two underlings with instructions to “invade the lungs of every one of those idiots and then bring me their heads.” Off they went to do the Queen’s bidding.

With the defeat of the underlings completed, it was time for the ultimate conflict, the one which would determine whether human life would ever re-inhabit Minnesota, or whether germs, viruses, rats, cockroaches, Packers, and other forms of pure evil would reign supreme. Without delay, the Psycle Killers attacked the Covid-19 Queen.

“It’s no use,” said D-2, “I don’t think even your Crocodile Dundee knife can get at that murderous virus cell.”

Doreen chimed in, “Our only chance is to somehow remove that f—ing protective helmet of hers.”

“Yeah, but HOW?” questioned Zombie. “Anyone have any ideas?”

“Maybe it could be PRIED off,” added D-2.

“That’s a good idea, D-2,” said Doreen, “but that would require coming into prolonged contact with that dirty scum queen.”

“I’LL do it,” announced the dude, who had remained silent to this point.

“But it would be risking almost certain death,” cried the rest in unison.

The dude gulped, “Yes, but I have a plan. Look — the virus monster has moved over to that tree over there. I think I can sneak up, jump out from behind the tree, and with all the force I can muster, I’ll rip that stinking helmet right off her slimy, disease-infested body with ‘Ol’ Croc’s’ shiny serrated blade.” And before his compatriots had a chance to object, the dude sprang into action.

“Wait! We’ll sneak up to the tree with you,” they whispered in support.

“No, it’s too dangerous. This is something I have to do by myself. Stay back and save yourselves.”

The sneak attack was successful, but a terrible struggle ensued. The dude managed to scalp the helmet off, but he failed to protect himself from the consequences.

While running and screaming with the monstrous virus attached to his face, the dude remembered something he learned about how Covid-19 was vulnerable to handwashing . . . for at least 20 seconds . . . with soap . . . that’s how he could kill this thing once and for all. Perhaps it was too late for himself, but, with hope and prayer, maybe the rest of humanity would be spared.

So, with the melting of that wicked Corona witch, one might be tempted to think that is the end of the story. One couldn’t be more wrong.

However, rather than dragging this saga on to another boring chapter, let’s just bring an end to my graphic novel in an abbreviated form:

  • The dude put an end to the Corona Virus, but he couldn’t stop her nefarious tentacles from invading his body.
  • The dude fell ill — coughing, sneezing, fever, respiratory problems.
  • The other Psycle Killers kept vigil over him for 48 hours.
  • With his last gasping breath, the dude implored D-2 and Doreen to get married, have children, and re-populate Minnesota.
  • D-2 and Doreen agreed immediately and requested that the dude officiate at their wedding . . . which he did. “Go forth and multiply,” were his final words.
  • On the third day, the dude miraculously rose from his death bed.
  • The Cycle Killers partied like there was no tomorrow — which there almost wasn’t.

The End

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

10 response to "THE LAST DUDE IN MINNESOTA, FINAL CHAPTER: Psycle Killers vs. The Mother of All Cornonas"

  1. By: Rocky Posted: April 5, 2020

    My hero! But I’m sure going to miss the story! We need a sequel!

    • By: gregblood Posted: April 6, 2020

      I doubt there’ll be a sequel, but I might keep my zombie in a safe place with G-2 and Doris. It could come in handy sometime in the future.

  2. By: The Navigator Posted: April 6, 2020

    It is certainly the time of year for rising from the dead for fictional heroes 🙂 Well done!

    • By: gregblood Posted: April 6, 2020

      My graphic novel? Well done? I’m not so sure. But I am sure your comment was well done. I got a chuckle out of it.

      WAIT a minute . . . was the dude fictional?

      • By: The Navigator Posted: April 7, 2020

        Oh, sorry, it came out wrong. Real life men with the gift of gab and persuasiveness who are natural born leaders in fictional ‘big fish’ stories rising from the dead 🙂

  3. By: Lednar De Nalloh Posted: April 6, 2020

    Wow and Golly, that was a dramatic end, I’m gob smacked. The poor virus queen was pretty defenceless, didn’t even have any cheese to throw at you. I think she was stunned that a Viking actually put up a fight for once. You did a very impressive Crocodile Dundee, you would make a good Aussie I reckon.

    • By: gregblood Posted: April 6, 2020

      “I think she was stunned that a Viking actually put up a fight for once.”

      Ouch! That hurts–especially since that statement it oh so true.

  4. By: Tony Cullimore Posted: April 7, 2020

    What an epic saga. I can see it will be sung by the story tellers while the village is gathered around the fire in winter. Thank you Dude for your bravery in the very face of evil.

  5. By: Hopkins Escapades Posted: April 8, 2020

    Hopkins and Ebert give the tale 72 spokes up for it’s riveting storyline. Hopkins has been quoted as saying, “Nary a tale has been told with such gripping hair-raising fervor since Rod Serling narrated The Twilight Zone. I was captivated from the moment the Dude and his Covid army of three rode into the streets. I simply couldn’t turn my headlamp away for fear I’d miss something! This is a must view story!”

Leave a Reply