The Day Giant Mechanical Monsters Terrorized MY Town

I’m not exactly sure where they came from (Outer space? A parallel universe? An H.G. Wells novel? Hell?) but they arrived mysteriously and wreaked havoc on MY Town today. The next few pictures are just the things I witnessed. I can’t even imagine all the other death and destruction that occurred beyond my view.

Disguising itself as a fire truck, this monster lifted an alien robot high into the air. I knew it wasn’t a REAL fire truck because there was no fire in the area. I believe its plan was to START a fire. I got the heck out of there as fast as I could.

This mechanical creature towered high above every building in the oldest part of MY Town. In this picture, it dropped a long cable down onto an old apartment house in order to destroy a gabled roof. I’m sure that was just the first step in its plan to erase every bit of the history we hold dear.

Thousands of feet high. Electricity crackling above. A steel wheel capable of unknown destruction. Massive outstretched arms. Terrible tentacles spread out in every direction. The ultimate killing machine.

A million tons of solid steel . . .

. . . lying in wait to bring its wrath upon a train. It’s only mission is to wipe out MY Town’s railroad infrastructure.

This monster captured an unsuspecting citizen and raised him up to high voltage electrical wires–a blatant case of MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE.

“Please give blood,” it says outwardly, but once you get inside it will TAKE your blood. ALL of it. And it won’t be happy until it gets all the blood of every benevolent donor in the city. The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong said, “that thing ain’t gonna get any of MY blood.”

We raced back home. So far, I am safe huddled up in the Greg Room, typing up that which you are now reading. Wish me luck.

Hi. My name is Greg and I ride my bike a lot. That is to say, I ride my bike almost every day. I go on long rides and short rides. Sunny rides, cloudy rides, and rainy rides. I like commuting, errand-running, day-tripping, overnighting, and touring on my bike. I ride on city streets, highways, gravel, single track, and snow with equal enthusiasm. Sometimes I ride fast and sometimes I ride slow. I try to keep my feet on the pedals at stop lights and I do not dismount when I hop up on a curb. I have a roadie bike, a mountain bike and a touring bike. I try to accept any challenge a bike ride can throw at me without complaint. But I don't like bugs.

4 response to "The Day Giant Mechanical Monsters Terrorized MY Town"

  1. By: The Navigator Posted: March 13, 2021

    Wow – your town is certainly plagued by monsters! You’ve shown us some other ones before, and now there is a second wave. Don’t let that stuff get in the tourist brochures!

    I donated plasma ONCE. I never really had enough iron to give blood every six weeks, so thought I’d shift to plasma since you get the blood bit back (plasma donation in Oz is not paid). But the first time I went, they put the needle in wrong, so instead of pumping the blood back into the vein, it pumped it into my arm tissue. Luckily, the machine will emergency stop itself, but the pain and bruise from that was pretty awful and dissuaded me from ever donating again. (I can’t donate after West Nile or Bartonella these days anyway). So I TOTALLY believe that that van just might take ALL of your blood.

  2. By: Rich-Illinois Posted: March 13, 2021

    The word on the Dark Web is that the Dakota County Martian Militia is in the process of assembling a massive counter attack to eliminate the threat of the mechanical monsters.

    This has worked quite successfully on other planets and they are confident it will also work for you.

    Until they succeed in their efforts — look UP occasionally as you ride to ensure no monster is preparing to attack YOU!

  3. By: Scooter Posted: March 13, 2021

    Thanks for the warning! We were thinking we were going to bike through Hastings this June, but we know now to give it a wide berth.

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